Listen, friend I found the darkest truth they will never tell you. In my search for aliens living amongst us I stumbled onto a conspiracy; a campaign of misdirection; a smoke and mirror dance where all of us have been driven like wildebeest into the river’s flow where crocodiles waited, and then they attacked and devoured our reason and self determination. Alive, we stumbled out the other side where the victimizers had transformed into gentle carers speaking of love and forgiveness. Promising heaven, resurrection, paradise and peace, but it’s nothing like that. It’s a spiritual nightmare.
I see in your eyes disbelief, but believe me I have the evidence. It’s all broken fingers and abusing cherubs whipping chain gangs across the skies. It’s a production line of abuse with an angelic smile. It’s a totalitarian regime with love concealing their crimes. There’s secret police wearing wings with little jingles for all the saved to sing.
It’s a dictatorship with a tyrant on a golden seat rubbing cigarette butts into peoples’ flesh. It’s a hell with clouds and evil harps. And did you know in heaven you don’t have any rights. You can’t smoke. You can’t drink. You can’t laugh. You can’t fuck. You can’t do anything. You’d be better off as dust.
Now, listen up I have the answers. The solutions to your growing fears and it isn’t converting to Paganism, Buddhism, Animism or even becoming a Jedi. The answer is my friend is the aliens. When they come it will be in their green renewable flying saucers. And you should see the way their flying saucers float in space. It’s great! The aliens will fly us all to a wonderful afterlife. You might wonder how I know. Well, I shall tell you. The aliens texted me last Tuesday. Isn’t that great? Now all we have to do is wait.
P.S. Oh, before I forget you have to put out the witches hats in a pattern just like you see with a crop circle. It’s all to do with their navigation systems and their great love for really big Ferris wheels. Bye. See you soon.
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